Creating a Life Purpose Statement

life-purpose

 

Much of our Executive Leadership coursework revolved around the idea of self-leadership as being step one in the leadership readiness arsenal.   To this end, we did a lot of work on our personal and professional leadership point of view.

An excerpt from my journal, July 2014:

Life Purpose Statement

I have spent a lot of time over the past few years learning from a variety of difficult and painful life lessons as well as experiencing many joyous, inspiring and beautiful moments. From these experiences I believe my life purpose to be this:

  • Love deeply and fully and without fear
  • Lead an interesting life with rich experiences
  • Be clear in my purpose and encourage others to define theirs as well
  • Advance my expertise in Culture, Leadership and Organizational Development
  • Write about what matters most to me
  • Develop and build skills in myself and others
  • Create calm and peace in our busy world
  • Teach my child well
  • Continuously learn and have fun in the process
  • Advance the understanding of what is enough for a satisfying life
  • Celebrate what I already have and have achieved

This didn’t just roll out of my head on to the paper. This took thought, reflection, courage, patience, and an iterative mindset.  It takes many months and a willingness to refine and revise.  One question to jumpstart your thinking:  When you are at the end of your life, what do you want to not have regrets about?  What will you want to say you’ve achieved? You can start crafting yours today…you will know when you’ve gotten to the essence of what your life purpose is. At that time, you are done…until your perspective changes and you decide to edit further.  Keep it handy to review regularly.  This creates a life-long practice of staying clear on what matters most to you, at whatever stage of life you are in. Enjoy!

life-purpose1

Service Failure

I recently had a conversation with a colleague who was talking about his experience at a respected hotel in Beverly Hills. He was there for an auction and upon arrival, wasn’t able to check in even though he had a reservation and it was well after 3:00.  The hotel management was appropriately apologetic and was offering drinks, dinner, etc., but that wasn’t what he needed.   He was experiencing a service failure.   What he needed was the room.  My colleague expressed this to them and explained the reasons why and after a time, eventually got into his room.  That was all he wanted.  Not a huge crisis, but still.

There is a mentality today in our culture that when there is a service failure, be it a hair in your salad or your room not ready, that management will throw freebies at the problem. This started out as a kindness that was offered a customer, a way of saying “I’m sorry.”  I respect the sentiment behind these hospitable gestures.  What has evolved, however, is an unintended cultural consequence in which consumers now feel entitled to something free every time a mistake occurs.  Now, I understand that compensation for a serious problem is a way of proving that you recognize an error, but I think it should be used more judiciously than it is, and customers shouldn’t be “working” the system just because they ordered their steak wrong.

So what constitutes true hospitality?

I have been thinking about this a lot over the course of my career. Restaurants and hotels and other service providers teach it, and they often teach it in a way that can miss the mark.  In my opinion, hospitality must be individualized to be authentic, but if there is one common denominator it would be to truly LISTEN to what your customer is saying with their words, their tone, and their body language and find the solution that best suits them.  You can hear it when you ask a customer how they like their food, and they say “fine” in a way that makes you probe a little more because the verbal response doesn’t match the tone or physical statement.  You can feel the unsaid “but” when you present an idea to co-workers that they don’t respond to.  It is harder to uncover the nuances with those you don’t know, but I find that that people who are tuned into to the social cues AND truly want to be hospitable are able to discern the less obvious dissatisfaction, and can then identify a problem and find a solution.    So hospitality…requires the willingness to read and respond to social cues in addition to understanding what solutions are possible; a graceful temerity in the face of potential conflict, and a true and authentic desire to help.

And leadership?

I have often hesitated at a restaurant in telling a server or manager about a problem because I know they are going to try to “fix” it by giving me something free. It can be so difficult to make a profit at a restaurant, and most people working in restaurants are hard workers in an often unrewarding environment.  I don’t want or need free.  What I really want is to let them know of the problem so that they can fix it and tell the chef, clean the restroom, take the chipped glass.   I don’t need a free dessert or drink.  I am not trying to get anything and what concerns me the most is that often, “hospitality” training gets in the way of true hospitality.  So, when this happens next time, I have vowed to try to lead by quietly explaining this and not shying away from expressing what it is I really want.  I know these are small issues in the grand scope of things, but we live in this world, and can contribute to more kindness, quiet leadership, and authentic hospitality.

It’s Like Quitting Smoking: Discipline’s Impact on Success

success

A blog I follow, Let’s Reach Success, inspired me with a great post on the importance of having a good routine, consciously creating it and then being disciplined in staying with it. So, once again, I am motivated to craft a different morning routine. I am hoping that, like quitting smoking, this time it will stick. So what I have come up with is this:

      • 6:30 – 7:30 Family time
      • 7:30 – 7:45 Meditate
      • 7:45 – 8:00 Plan the day
      • 8:00 – 8:45 Walk/Exercise – 45 minutes
      • 8: 45 – 9:30 Write

Then on to the other important work I need to do during the day. So here I am, day 5, at the writing phase. So grateful.

I was reading some of my father’s journal that I rediscovered last weekend. In 1992 he started keeping a journal on the computer to both capture his thoughts and to learn how to become more computer savvy. He talks a few times about his “high energy state” and also trying to stay disciplined. This passage resonated with me:

“Sunday morning and about 10 below zero. My initial feeling this morning was that this was a waste of time, but on seeing my previous day’s work scroll by I realized that I have already gained a lot from the time I have spent. I have always had this problem, losing sight of the long range goal, becoming paralyzed by questioning, blocked by feelings of the futility of it all. Only when I have forced myself into a discipline that is focused on a consistent, repetitious process that to a large extent ignores any questioning have I been successful.”

—-From the journal of Fred Baker; February 27, 1994

It seems I share some of his tendencies – the high energy state, the flow of ideas, as well as the difficulty in sorting and prioritizing the ideas in order to execute. It is why Jim Collins’ Good to Great concept of a culture of discipline has occupied center stage on my whiteboard for the past 2 months. The idea: “sustained great results depend upon building a culture full of self-disciplined people who take disciplined action, fanatically consistent with the three circles of:

      • That which you are deeply passionate about,
      • That which you can be the best in the world at, and
      • That which drives your economic engine.

So what needs to happen to sustain a new routine, make a necessary life change, or to push on with a project that can at times seem futile?

Idea and Opportunity Selection
Ideas and opportunities can be plentiful and many can be good, if not great. It can be difficult understanding where to prioritize and commit your resources. In the article The Opportunity Paradox, the authors discuss how capturing new growth opportunities is fundamental to strategy, innovation and entrepreneurship. The authors also recognize that opportunities have a complexity that few people recognize in that there are two parts of the process: opportunity selection and opportunity execution.

There are many good nuggets of information in this article, but one of the most relevant is that often “innovation efforts move so quickly to identify a solution that they have to cycle back to figure out what problem they are actually solving. (page 30).”

In my work, I have often found that there is this reluctance to spend the time defining the larger problem or challenge being faced. The importance of the discussion phase and discovery period isn’t fully recognized or seen as being part of the real work.

We need to ask: what is the desired result? What is the greater goal? Is it in alignment with the strategic plan? Is there a plan? This process can be applied to both the personal and professional spheres. Don’t march diligently toward the wrong goal.

We as Americans (humans?) don’t do this very well. Our culture of action, of get it done! goes against what our brains find satisfying, what our shareholders think they want, of feeling productive by checking things off the big list. Discussing and refining can feel like wasted time. If you are going full speed down the wrong road, well…you’ll reach a destination, but not the one you intend. So it is important to build in the time to sort out what it is you are trying to achieve, your intended results and how they align with the greater goal. This is an important piece of the work. It always takes longer than expected.

Accountability
Marshall Goldsmith, a well-known executive coach and thought leader understands how difficult it is to adhere to and sustain changes we want to make in our lives. At a recent lecture, he shared with the audience one of his tools for keeping himself accountable to his goals. He pays someone to call him every night and ask him a series of questions that he developed, for the things that he finds important in his life. They include questions about exercise, care-taking his relationships, among other items. 33 questions in all.

He knows himself, and has built this method of staying accountable to his goals. Deciding what’s important, determining how to measure it, and then following up by reporting on this regularly – it keeps the priorities top-of-mind and forces you to answer to what you say you are going to do.

Another example of the importance of accountability and discipline: “What I got from Abbott was the idea that when you set your objectives for the year, you record them in concrete. You can change your plans through the year, but you never change what you measure yourself against. You are rigorous at the end of the year, adhering exactly to what you said was going to happen. You don’t get a chance to editorialize. You don’t get a chance to adjust and finagle, and decide you really didn’t intend to do that anyway, and readjust your objectives to make yourself look better. You never focus on what you’ve accomplished for the year; your focus on what you’ve accomplished relative to exactly what you said you were going to accomplish – no matter how tough the measure.”

                                                                                                              —George Rathman, in Good to Great (p 122) 

Reflect and Appreciate
Ok, that’s done… on to the next task. Wait! Take a moment. While it’s great to always look at the horizon, take a moment to look back at the shore. A project completed – that’s worthy of a moment of savoring and reflection. Enjoy having completed something, and if applicable, what would you do differently next time? Use this as positive momentum to continue learning while living the value of excellence (not perfection). Now…on to the next thing.

I read somewhere once, that an antidote to this feeling of our lives moving so quickly is to meditate. The point: mindfulness. Taking moments during the day to appreciate a success or a special moment fuels a feeling of satisfaction and contentment with our lives and balances out the other influences: stress, dissatisfaction, chaos, negativity.

Application
These ideas can be applied in both the business and personal arenas, for large and small scale projects, for families, long and short term.

      • Start with one thing. Do you have a clear vision or strategy? If not – start the process.
      • From the strategy, what are the action items, who’s responsible, when are the due dates, and who is checking? Have you built in measurement and accountability measures that make sense and support the company strategy? If not – have the necessary conversations and communicate.
      • Build in a process of after action review. Include both what you would do better or differently next time and what you did well. Communicate this to those that were part of the project. Make it a part of your culture to both celebrate and continually improve.

A word about perfection and excellence
Life, business, strategy, building – it’s all messy. It’s necessarily iterative, and this can be uncomfortable, confusing and exciting. And, like quitting smoking, it can take some time to sustain the change of habit but the long term payoff makes it worth the effort. I’m a big proponent of focusing on excellence rather than perfection. So – how to make sense of it all? Be disciplined in your thought and action, hold yourself and others accountable, reflect, adjust, and celebrate!

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle

Resources

Ruthless Prioritization

No, not everything is important.  It just seems like it is.  We feel important when we are busy, when things are “blowing up”, and this constant new cultural way of responding to each item, each stimulus tugging at our attention doesn’t really mean we are busy.  This is not to say we aren’t, I would never suggest that.  But aren’t you just a wee bit sick of hearing everyone use that expression each time you ask them how they are?  I really am.  I refuse to utter those words, because it is obvious, and I consciously choose to make time for the things that are important to me.

So is it possible to get a handle on this?  I believe it starts with awareness.  If you interested at taking a look at your habits and defining what is important you can start to achieve a balance in your life that will be uniquely meaningful.  Caveat:  It is an investment of time and thought on the front end that results in clarity and peace that is fulfilling, even during the most chaotic of times.

In our MSEL classes at the University of San Diego, we discuss the importance of rank-ordering your values.  This is important because, quite often, two (or more) things that are important vie for your attention, and how do you choose between them?  This is true whether you are discussing personal values or business objectives. In his wonderful book co-authored with Ken Blanchard called Helping People Win at Work, Garry Ridge of WD-40 Company lists their company values as follows:

  1. Doing the right thing.
  2. Creating positive, lasting memories in all our relationships
  3. Making it better than it is today
  4. Succeeding as a tribe while excelling as individuals
  5. Owning it and passionately acting on it
  6. Sustaining the WD-40 economy

He has specific reasons for the order they are in.  Unless you have considered the importance of each value or task, it is hard to discern where to put your energy.  If you have done the inner work to decide what level of importance you attach to these conflicting goals, it becomes easy to decide where to focus your energy.

My personal values, rank ordered are:

  1. Personal health:  sleep, food and exercise
  2. Family well-being:  health, quality time, household organization
  3. Job and Career:  bring home some bacon, continued growth

The evolution of these values began while I was reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey.  I LOVE this book and would say that it may have been the most influential book I’ve read while on my journey of self-discovery.  One key point that remains relevant is his Time Management Matrix which distinguishes between the urgent and the important.  The urgent things grab our attention and demand immediate action and can give us a sense of accomplishment and immediate gratification.  The important things often get neglected as they don’t seem urgent, but whole blocks of your life can go by while you put out fires, and then you realize that you haven’t attended to what is really important – what you truly value and what contributes to your high priority goals.

There are many other things that I am trying to accomplish at any given time, but if I don’t attend to these main things first, then I am not living the way I want to live.  I consciously choose personal health as my top value, because I know that if I am not taking care of myself, then I can’t really do a good job in the other areas.

I read an article recently in Time Magazine about Sheryl Sandberg, who is the author of the book Lean In which is generating some wonderfully heated discussion (ok, also some outright attitude) and that has fired up many people on both sides of the gender aisle.  What I love about the conversation is that there is CONVERSATION.  This is a good thing.  It feels like discussions of “women’s concerns” had gone underground for a while (I may have just been really BUSY) and now has erupted again.  I am learning to “lean in” to the discomfort a heated discussion creates for me.  I have become a convert to this idea that heated discussion and conflict are good, especially when everyone plays strong and fair.  It is these discussions that allow ideas to grow and that move us all forward in our thinking and then to action.

Debate and discussion aside, one of the most impactful ideas from this article came from a little sign that Sheryl has in her conference room: “Ruthlessly Prioritize”.  I wrote this phrase on my whiteboard at work immediately and have been circling around this thought since I first read the article.  I suffer from the chronic fear of “not enough time,” and so this has resonated with me deeply.  Because I am in a significant career transition in my life, and because I am a mom, wife, full time employee and grad student, this has necessarily become my mantra.

So, in the spirit of ruthless prioritization and time management, allow yourself to take the time to decide your values in rank order and consciously let the seemingly urgent but not really important stuff fall away.  It is not for the faint of heart, this discipline, but it will create a thoughtful and clear road forward in your personal life and in your work.

Thoughts, ideas and comments always welcome…keep the conversation going!

Resources:
Book:  Helping People Win at Work by Ken Blanchard and Garry Ridge
Book:  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven R. Covey
Article:  “Confidence Woman” by Belinda Luscombe Time Magazine, March 18, 2013
MSEL Program Website: http://www.sandiego.edu/business/programs/graduate/leadership/executive_leadership/

Make some room for Vulnerability.

Inspired….

Just watched Brene Brown’s TED talk on Vulnerability, which I have seen 3 times now.  Every time I watch it I am inspired by how she speaks about vulnerability and how beautifully she shows it in her face, her humility while speaking.  She opens a window in my soul in a way that allows for strength, pain and joy to coexist.  Authentic.

Here is the link to the video:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I came back to this video because I ran into this concept of Vulnerability in a Webinar I participated in recently and want to explore this idea personally and professionally.    Patrick Lencioni was speaking about his upcoming book:  “The Advantage – Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business”.  Great webinar – I was energized for the whole day by his ideas and way of speaking.  He posits that in order for an Organization to be healthy, there needs to be  a cohesive leadership team, and to achieve this, one of the critical things needed is for there to be trust between the members of the team…trust based on vulnerability.  Trust based on people feeling comfortable enough to be direct, honest, and showing their true selves.  This isn’t easy. I know this from experience, and know I am not the only one.  I would argue that it is more difficult to allow for than any other concept out there.  What you can gain when you can open yourself to vulnerability is a level of connection and strength of success that you can’t get without it.  Risky.  Worth it.

This is what separates companies from their competition. Easy enough to get information and resources, not so easy to build a cohesive culture of trust.

A short excerpt:
http://www.tablegroup.com/pat/videos/vulnerable-lead/index.html

Ok, Committing.!

I’ve been playing with the blog idea for awhile but was thinking that the world doesn’t really need another blog.  Not true!  I have things to say and I am convinced that there will be someone out there that may relate to the things I want to say.

So here goes.  About me.  Currently on crutches and have been since the end of November.  Surgery on my foot 5 weeks ago – 5 more to go and I’ll be walking again.  In this time of enforced reflection, with no real way to exercise, no driving and dependence I have been finding that one way to ease my restlessness is to write.  Last 2 weeks have been hell in my mind, and I vowed that I wouldn’t complain to anyone this weekend, and so far, so good.  I am fortunate that 1) my husband is available to shuttle me around and make me meals, 2) that this is temporary, despite how long it feels and I am not permanently injured and 3) I no longer make my living in the restaurant industry, so i can still work and make money.  I am sure there are other good things, but moving on…

I am in my early 40’s, currently an office manager for a company that buys and sells wine to an international clientele.  I have a B.A. in Anthropology and an Associates degree in Culinary Arts.  I have lived in the Adirondacks, Colorado, Northern and Southern California, Hawaii, and Connecticut.  I love music, books, food, wine, hanging with my family and entertaining.   I am looking to become more of a writer.  I am always in transition and hope to make use of the experiences I’ve had and help others.